Dan Vs Everything
by JoeyJr133
Summary: I have found a new liking to the show Dan Vs. (Thanks Mr Enter) so I decided to make a fanfic about it. It won't b3 like a usual episode. It's more of looking g through Dans life without the specific revenge. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

The sound of birds chirping fills the scene as we see peace in Dans little neighbourhood. That is until Dan wakes up, where he is greeted by a lamp to the forehead and Mr Mumbles urine on his makeshift bed. The waking of Dan causes the white - tailed Switchback to claw on his face which leaves severe cuts that beg for medical attention. "Mr. Mumbles? How could you? We went over this countless times!" Dan tells the cat as he rubs against the half naked man's leg purring loudly. "Mr. Mumbles! You listen here Mister, we have we-" Mr. Mumbles still wasn't listening despite his best sighs. "I'll deal with you later.." the unlucky man days as he has his bowl of Generic-O's either his dairy - free milk, or so he thought. Dans stomach churns and howls at him as if it was a wounded animal begging for help. Dan fell to the floor clenching his stomach tightly looking as if he was in deep pain. "Mr. Mumbles...call for help!" Dan whispered using majority of his breath. Mr. Mumbles scrambles across Dans messy floor and over the mountains of trash to his phone. He took the small object and placed it within his mouth, he then screed back to the sick Dan laying on the floor looking even worse than he did 15 seconds ago. He ripped the phone from the cats jaws and called Chris.

"Ch-ch-chriiiiiss..." Dan muttered under his breath, only barely getting the words out. "I'm coming Dan!" Chris shouts heroically ad he rushes to his car only to find the keys are gone. The panicking Chris runs back to the house looking for them yet finds nothing. "Elise! Where are the keys?" Chris exclaims as his voice echoes. "What do you need them for?" Elise asks back. "Ummm... snack run!" Chris responds dripping sweat, knowing hos friend is in pain and in need of help. "OK, but don't get too much. We are trying to cut you down on food." She says as she throws the keys down to Chris with extreme accuracy. "Love you, bye!" Dan says as he races to the door.

Dan lays in the fetal position in agony for several minutes until he thinks about ways he could get better. His medication! "Mr. Mumbles! Go get my medication!" Mr. Mumbles again scrambles to Dans bedside drawer and and gets Dans medication. He brings it back to the man. Dan quickly unscrews the top and takes two. His stomach barks at him again. The meds are out of date...

Chris speeds to Dans apartment and rushes to Dan as he moans and groans. "Dan, what about your meds?" Chris questions. Dan rolls the bottle to Chris showing the expiration date. "Oooh. Stay right here Dan!" 'How am I going to move in a state like this Chris?!' Dan thought as Chris dialled 911.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it's been so long guys! I've had a lot of things on my hands and nor a lot of time to myself but I finally finished my homework, crammed like no one has crammed before and dealt with all outside issues. Here is PART 2!**

"This is blasphemy, this is madness!" Shouted Dan. "No Dan...you're being delusional. The milk company's did not try to poison me. You just must have gotten the wrong kind..." replied Chris. "I always check the back and I'm 100% that it was dairy free!" Continued Dan, desperate to convince Chris they tried to poison him even though he was acting crazy. "They must have swapped my milk whilst I was showering!" Dan continued. "You do that? Doesn't smell like it." Chris responded trying to drive Dan off course and onto another subject, only then did he realise that that was a terrible mistake. Dan went ballistic, kicking and screaming and punching in 'self defense against this malicious monster who made an open attack on him.' Chris sighed and dragged him into the car.

As they drove home, Dan looked the other way to Chris and folded his arms, clearly upset. "Dan, I was joking!" Chris explained to Dan with a slight iggle being every word he spat out. He loved the childish ways that Dan responded to a little joke.

 **Guys, I have to end it here as I have things to do. Sorry this was so short. I will make a longer entry in the future. Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Yknow, I think they probed me!" Dan exclamed out of nowhere. "What?!" Chris replied in conjuring to the strange statement. "They definitely probed me! My bu-" "Dan,let's not get into the details about your 'probing'." Then Chris came to the harsh realisation of what the little man meant. He shuddered at the very thought of... _I really don't want to go into the detail of what Dan thinks the doctors did to him. But anyways, back to the story._

Chris drives up the shady road that Dan lives on and the car stop, a smell of tobacco smoke and must fill the air as he slowly opens the door for Dan. 'This is disgusting! How could anyone live in this filth?'Chris thought as he opened his own car door and stepped floor was covered in dirt and he probably stepped in2-year old vomit somewhere along his journey. Chris never remembered the neighbourhood to be this awful.

"Chris, why are we stopping?" Dan asked suspiciously. "I'm dropping you off so are you going to get out of my car or not?" Chris responded in an aggravated tone. "But I need to see Elise!" Dan replied. "But you hate her," Chris said "last time I checked you tried to ruin our wedding!" "But I need her!" "To do what?" "Her spy stuff she does! You do know she's a spy right? She has like a clearance card of 10. How do you think I infiltrated that military base? When I stole all that Agent Kiwi!"Dan told the oblivious Chris who stared at him in confusion once more. "Dan,you really are delusional! She's not a sp-" Then Chris put all the pieces together. Her always going out, the tech she had, her smarts, her combat skills. How could he not have noticed that sooner? It all came together. Maybe Dan talks a little more sense than he think...


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow it has been a WHILE! I am so terribly sorry the two people that saw this.**

Chris was in shock after hearing what Dan just said. He knew better than to trust Dan but it made too much sense. Could it be? He let it sink in. Dan stared at him in confusion as he looked at the sky through flashbacks playing in his head. "Chris? Chris?! CHRIS?!" Dan shouted at his only friend. Chris slowly stumbled into the car, his eyes were wide open but he continued to stare into space. He didn't want to ask Elise but it would dig at his soul if he didn't find out. Dan slowly stepped away confused as to why Chris didn't know. He looked lifeless as he drove away, almost hypnotised.

Chris drove slowly and quickly with no pattern. He would run stop signs and just stop afterwards. Why did Dan have such an impact on him? He's like a big child. Why did that affect him so much? Either way he just wanted to get home as quickly as possible. Though his driving only made him look like a mad man.

The car slowly and tediously wheeled in front of the garage, some of the tire inching onto the front yard and leaving a hideous mark. Chris took a deep breath in and stepped out. He put the keys in his pocket and walked away forgetting to lock the car or close the door for that matter. Elise jumped as Chris stumbled in muttering something under his breath. An explosion could be heard from upstairs but it was standard for something like that to happen every now and then.

"Hi Chris!" Elise shouted in order to project her voice down the stairs. "Honey, we need to talk..."


End file.
